Gentle Reminder: It’s Not Your Fault

A teddy bear sitting alone on a wooden jetty as the sun goes down behind the trees.
~ Julie de Rohan

It’s so easy to beat yourself up when you binge eat. Especially if you begin to suffer health complications as a result of increased weight.

“It’s my fault”, you say. “I’ve brought this on myself”.

Except you haven’t.

Rather than a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower, binge eating is an attempted solution to a problem.

No, that’s not “making excuses” or any of the other bullshit spouted by those who lack empathy and understanding.

It’s the truth.

It’s not your fault.

Disordered eating develops because something’s lacking in your life, often from a young age. There’s something you need emotionally but you’re not getting.

Food is your attempt to cope with that.

It’s not your fault.

If you make the shift in perspective from self-blame to forgiveness, you stand a good chance of working out what you really need so you can heal and move on.

So pause, now, this minute.

Take a breath and say:

“I forgive myself for my eating behaviour and I commit to caring about myself physically and emotionally.”

Release any lingering guilt and shame.

Forgive yourself once and for all.

Commit to walking a new path of self-compassion and self-care. This path may be unfamiliar but it’s the only one that leads to a peaceful relationship with food and yourself.

Because it’s not your fault.

It’s your responsibility to do something about it.

But it’s not your fault.

©️ Julie de Rohan 2019.

🌷🌷🌷

For a further reminder as to why it’s not your fault, read “Why Am I Doing This to Myself?”

Published by Julie de Rohan

A specialist psychotherapist helping people struggling with compulsive eating, emotional eating and binge eating disorder.

18 thoughts on “Gentle Reminder: It’s Not Your Fault”

  1. It feels self-caring already to read that it is not my fault. It’s something to repeat.
    I don’t have an ED but a lot of other things stem from that place of guilt too. We keep beating ourselves up for ‘choices’ we didn’t make and while doing that we make them again and again.
    But when you think ‘it is not my fault’ but it is my life and I will take responsibility, it gives you a more empowering start to take action.
    It’s crazy how some tiny sentence can shift your brain.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m really happy if that sentence enabled you to experience a shift in perspective. I think it’s hard to heal if you’re coming from a place of self-blame. There’s something about forgiving ourselves for our behaviour when we’re just trying to do the best we can. Then, we’re more likely to explore and understand our issues, and take responsibility. As Maya Angelou said: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better”. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your experience – thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re very welcome, your posts are very inspiring. I often think about Rachel from Friends and it really helps me. When I think I did something stupid, I sing the Copacabana 🙂 And when I’ll know better, I will do better and still sing the Copacabana for something else, as we learn each day. Thank you for your reply and nice post.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great. I know that I’ve never made a positive change in my life from a feeling of shame, or at least not one that’s lasted. I still wish food didn’t taste so good … But I do appreciate the reminder to commit to caring for myself, and I do love singing the Copacabana 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Never hurts to sing a bit of Manilow! You’re right that we can’t effect lasting change if our starting point is one of shame. I love that food tastes so good! But I guess it’s balancing that with the desire not to overeat, which doesn’t feel good. Great to hear from you, Karen, thank you.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. People really can be incredibly hard on themselves. You’re right, it’s not our fault, it’s not something we’ve ‘bought on’ ourselves. A beautiful reminder, Julie  ♥ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s one thing to hold ourselves accountable if we’ve made a mistake, but another thing entirely to beat ourselves up when we’re just trying to survive emotionally. Lovely to hear from you, Caz, hope you’re doing OK.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post. It makes me stop and think. I think I eat when I’m stressed out or angry. I notice that when I’m upset I tend to gravitate toward the sweets. I’ve had to consciously stop myself from doing this and learn other ways to calm myself down. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sometimes it can feel like nothing will calm us down in the way that food does but, in reality, turning to food is only ever a temporary fix. If we need reassurance and comfort we can learn, as you have, to give that to ourselves in ways that don’t hurt us. Many thanks for sharing your experience, Lisa, it’s good to hear from you.

      Liked by 1 person

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