What Calorie Labelling does to People with Binge Eating Disorder

Trigger warning: description of binge eating.

A few nights ago, I went out for dinner for the first time since lockdown lifted here in the UK.

After months of being stuck at home, I sat in the restaurant with a big grin on my face, soaking up the atmosphere.

I was quite hungry but, as usual, took my time exploring the menu. Like a buzzard circling its prey, I was on the lookout for the dish that would truly satisfy me.

I knew I’d found it when I got that familiar “eureka” moment. Something in me said “that’s it!”. Instinctively, I knew it was exactly what I felt like eating and that I’d enjoy it.

I made my choice without judgement – either of the food or of myself.

When my meal arrived, I savoured it. It was delicious. When I got the signal from my body that I’d had enough, I stopped eating. The meal came to a natural and satisfying end.

Of course, this is me many years post-recovery from binge eating disorder.

My eating is instinctive and relaxed and I’ve worked damned hard – psychologically, emotionally and physically – to get it to that place. It doesn’t always go smoothly. Sometimes I’m not sure what I want. Occasionally I overeat. But it’s OK: I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be perfect.

Developing trust in yourself and your body is an essential part of recovery from any kind of emotion-driven overeating. You learn to tune out diet culture directives about calories and fat grams, and learn to tune into your natural instinct and appetite.

This is how you begin to make peace with food.

How appalling then, that the UK Government has decided to introduce calorie labelling on all menus in restaurants with more than 250 employees from April next year.

Why is this so horrifying?

Let’s replay the scenario above with me pre-recovery and this new Government regulation.

I enter the restaurant feeling tense. After years of dieting, my head is full of what I “should” and “shouldn’t” eat. Food is either good or bad, and it’s all I think about from the moment I wake up until the minute I fall asleep.

I’m hungry and I really fancy a bowl of pasta. According to the calorie labelling on the menu, the dish I really want has a truck-load of calories in it – and, of course, I’m supposed to be losing weight.

I feel ashamed. I shouldn’t want it. I should just have a salad without the dressing like they taught us at the slimming club. But I’m hungry and I really feel like that bowl of pasta. Also, I’ve had a really tough day. I want something hot and satisfying, not something cold that won’t fill me up.

Oh God, I don’t know what to do. I feel really tense and anxious. And now the waitress is asking what I want to eat. She’s really slim so she’s probably judging me. I’d better order the salad. And then I guess I can have one of those low-calorie snack bar things when I get home.

The salad arrives. I don’t enjoy it but eat it anyway. I watch as other people tuck into their food with pleasure. I feel miserable. And hungry.

I have that low-calorie snack bar as soon as I get home. It doesn’t satisfy me. So I have another, and another. I look around for something else. What can I have? I know, I’ll have a spoonful of peanut butter on a Ryvita. I’m still hungry. OK, now I’ll have some zero-fat ice cream. But nothing’s hitting the spot.

Feeling upset and resentful, I wait until everyone else has gone to bed, and before I know it I’m grabbing everything I can get my hands on – bread, crisps, cheese, chocolate – and stuffing it into my mouth on autopilot. I feel so guilty I’ve broken my diet, that I’m eating to detach from feelings of failure and shame. Also, something in me wants to make up for all the food I’ve been missing out on.

Eventually, after beating myself up on an epic scale, I fall into bed feeling sick and wretched, vowing that things will be different tomorrow.

Does this strike a chord?

This is the reality for millions of people struggling with an overeating disorder.

The UK Government says they’re introducing the measure to “tackle obesity”. In reality, they’re colluding with diet culture and yet again failing people with eating disorders.

Because it’s not just people with binge eating disorder who will suffer. Everyone with any kind of eating disorder will be seriously impacted by this ill-conceived, reckless measure.

If you think this new regulation will help people “make better choices” or “choose healthier options”, please be aware these phrases are both triggering and patronising to people suffering with eating disorders.

We know what it is to eat “healthily”. Binge eating is a sign of psychological and emotional distress and people suffering with it deserve proper diagnosis and effective support.

Not another insensitive government initiative.

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The UK’s national eating disorders charity, B-eat, has organised a campaign to protest about the new calorie-labelling measure. It’s essential we speak up – find out how you can get involved here.

Food for Thought: Our Needs Bear Equal Weight

“The wants, needs, feelings, hours, hopes, and dreams of everyone around you bear equal weight to those of your own. Neither mine nor yours are greater. Ingrain that into your understanding”. ― Richelle E. Goodrich

Can you “ingrain that into your understanding”?

For some it’ll be easy, it’ll already be part of your world view. “Of course my needs are as important as anyone else’s. Why wouldn’t they be?”, you think.

Some behave as though their needs are more important than anyone else’s.

For others, it’ll be tough to believe your wants, needs, feelings, time and aspirations are in any way important, let alone just as important as anyone else’s.

Intellectually, you might know that it must be true.

But you just don’t feel it.

Continue reading “Food for Thought: Our Needs Bear Equal Weight”

What’s in the Way?

Be kind to yourself.

Love yourself.

Be yourself.

How often do we see stuff like this on social media? Perhaps we’ve heard words like these from a well-meaning friend when we’re struggling. Maybe we’ve said them ourselves to try to encourage people we care about.

I know I have.

Yes, we should all be kind to ourselves, love ourselves and be ourselves.

It’s good advice.

It’s great advice.

But for many it’s just not that simple.

Continue reading “What’s in the Way?”

Summer Rewind: Why Do We Need To Let Other People Own Their Feelings?

This post from 2018 explores why we often take responsibility for other people’s feelings, and the subsequent impact on us and our eating behaviour.

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You’re about to send an email and you’re re-reading it for the tenth time to make absolutely sure there’s nothing in it that could be misconstrued and cause offence.   Then you check it another ten times after you’ve sent it – just in case…

You bump into a friend in the street.  As you walk away, you replay the conversation over and over in your head trying to work out if you said anything “wrong”.  You’re still rerunning the conversation in your head as you lie in bed that night…

A work colleague seems a bit off with you.  You instantly rack your brain to recall your most recent interactions with them.  You spend the day desperately trying to work out what you did to upset them so you can apologise and make things right…

Sound familiar?

Continue reading “Summer Rewind: Why Do We Need To Let Other People Own Their Feelings?”

Summer Rewind: What’s The Big Deal About Exercise?

Here’s another post from the archives, this time exploring how it’s possible to find the same autonomy with movement, as it is with food. Hard to believe, I know, but true.

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“I’m just one of those people who hates exercise”. That’s what I used to say. And I believed it. Man, did I hate exercise. I felt angry (and guilty and ashamed) at the mention of the word and, I have to confess, I’m worried some of you may stop reading this post for the very same reason, but I hope not.

In the past, if a slim person said to me “I’m just going to the gym” I’d think “why the hell are you doing that? You’re already thin! You don’t need to go to the gym”. It was my assumption you only exercised to lose weight. It didn’t occur to me that people might exercise because they enjoyed it.

After all, what was enjoyable about exercise? Nothing. All that pain and sweating and discomfort. It felt like punishment.

Continue reading “Summer Rewind: What’s The Big Deal About Exercise?”

Summer Rewind: What Did You Learn About Food Growing Up?

As I’m now on holiday for two weeks, I thought I’d take the opportunity to share a few posts you might have missed the first time. The aim of this one from July 2018 is to help you uncover any beliefs about food from childhood that may be having a negative impact on your eating today – a crucial step in the process to heal your relationship with food.

Happy August, everyone. Stay safe.

With very best wishes

Julie

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Continue reading “Summer Rewind: What Did You Learn About Food Growing Up?”