Dressed to kill, you appear in the doorway to the party. There’s an immediate hush among the assembled guests. Maybe a few gasps. You stride confidently across the room to the bar. Before you utter a word, the bartender hands you a glass of champagne with an admiring smile.
You turn to find the other guests clamouring around you. “You look incredible”, they gush. “You’ve lost so much weight!”. “How did you do it?”.
“Just sheer willpower and utter fabulousness”, you smirk triumphantly. You take a sip of champagne and think: “At last, I’ve arrived”.
Continue reading “How Do You Measure Success?”
The alarm clock goes off.
Your eyes flutter open.
Still drowsy from sleep, you turn over and glance up to see someone who looks remarkably like Senior Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from “Full Metal Jacket” standing over your bed.
He stares down at you, face like stone, eyes cold and unblinking, as he barks:
“RISE AND SHINE, SCUMBAG! TODAY YOU WILL EAT HEALTHY FOOD AND NOTHING BUT HEALTHY FOOD! YOU WILL EXERCISE FOR PRECISELY ONE HOUR – I DO NOT GIVE A HOOT ABOUT YOUR SO-CALLED TENDINITIS! YOU WILL COMPLETE EVERYTHING ON YOUR “TO DO” LIST, INCLUDING TAKING YOUR CAT, KATY PURRY, TO THE VET BECAUSE SHE’S TWO MONTHS OVERDUE FOR HER WORM TREATMENT! I DO NOT CARE IF YOU DID NOT SLEEP WELL OR THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE A CASE OF THE SNIFFLES, THERE WILL BE NO EXCUSES AND NO COMPLAINING! YOU WILL COMPLY WITH THESE ORDERS BECAUSE YOUR ASS IS MINE!”
Continue reading “What’s The First Thing You Say to Yourself in the Morning?”