Listen. Can you hear that?
That’s the sound of people everywhere falling off the New Year diet wagon.
Maybe you’re one of them.
Maybe you bought into the much-touted idea that enjoying yourself at Christmas is ‘sinful’.
Maybe you felt you must make ‘amends’ by starting some self-proclaimed diet guru’s “no fail, instant weight-loss, guaranteed results, easy 12-week eating plan”. (If I sound a bit angry, I am, because these people make my job so much harder).
Maybe you now find yourself out of control with food.
I’m sorry if that’s the case.
It’s not your fault.
Continue reading “How are You Going to Eat for the Rest of Your Life?”
Lunchtime had ended at my primary school. I sat alone in the dining hall, apart from two teachers who stood over me. They stared resolutely at me, while I stared forlornly at a plate of cold cottage pie. Everyone else had gone out to play and I could hear the familiar noises of the playground in the distance.
I was told I couldn’t leave until I’d finished my lunch.
At 10 years old, I truly loathed cottage pie. It was My Completely and Utterly Absolutely Worst Food in the World Ever, apart from my Mum’s curried egg (sorry, Mum).
Continue reading “What Did You Learn About Food Growing Up?”
The alarm clock goes off.
Your eyes flutter open.
Still drowsy from sleep, you turn over and glance up to see someone who looks remarkably like Senior Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from “Full Metal Jacket” standing over your bed.
He stares down at you, face like stone, eyes cold and unblinking, as he barks:
“RISE AND SHINE, SCUMBAG! TODAY YOU WILL EAT HEALTHY FOOD AND NOTHING BUT HEALTHY FOOD! YOU WILL EXERCISE FOR PRECISELY ONE HOUR – I DO NOT GIVE A HOOT ABOUT YOUR SO-CALLED TENDINITIS! YOU WILL COMPLETE EVERYTHING ON YOUR “TO DO” LIST, INCLUDING TAKING YOUR CAT, KATY PURRY, TO THE VET BECAUSE SHE’S TWO MONTHS OVERDUE FOR HER WORM TREATMENT! I DO NOT CARE IF YOU DID NOT SLEEP WELL OR THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE A CASE OF THE SNIFFLES, THERE WILL BE NO EXCUSES AND NO COMPLAINING! YOU WILL COMPLY WITH THESE ORDERS BECAUSE YOUR ASS IS MINE!”
Continue reading “What’s The First Thing You Say to Yourself in the Morning?”