“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” – Alice Miller
“I forgive them”. This is what victims of crime sometimes say when they’re interviewed on the news days, or even hours, after some terrible violation has been committed against them. Perhaps they were brutally attacked. Perhaps someone they love was murdered.
“I forgive the people who did this to me”, they say.
I always feel a sense of concern when I hear this.
Their forgiveness seems so immediate. It makes me wonder what happened to their feelings.
Continue reading “Food for Thought: The Rush to Forgiveness”
If I were to ask you why you’re not enough, you’d probably say “I don’t know, it’s just what I feel”.
But a feeling isn’t truth. It’s not fact.
It’s just a feeling.
If I challenged you to give me a list of your deficits and defects, would you struggle to produce concrete evidence?
Continue reading “Gentle Reminder: You are Enough”
This is the blog post where I wrap up the theme for the month – in this case hope and hopelessness – and link to an older post from the archives.
There’s just one problem.
It’s the first day of my holiday and I’m currently sitting in the kitchen of a gorgeous little cottage in the Cotswolds. The countryside is unbelievably beautiful. The weather is perfect. The only sounds I can hear are the gentle hum of the fridge, birds chirping in the courtyard outside and the tap-tap-tap of my fingers hitting the keyboard.
Why is this a problem? Well, I’ve come down with a severe case of lazyitis (must be the change of water, I think) and I’m struggling to write the post I was planning to write which, I recall, was something about feelings. Continue reading “Gentle Reminder: Something about Feelings”
“Although disappointment feels awful, it can provide you with a wealth of valuable information about yourself and your world. Its purpose is to keep you moving toward what’s beneficial and away from what’s going to come back and bite you. It’s meant to teach you how to make realistic, well-informed choices by recognizing the delicate balance between what you have power over and what you don’t. Examining disappointment with an open mind will help you distinguish between being foolhardy, childish or demanding, and courageous, generous and willing to take appropriate risks. In short, it’s there to help you get the good things you deserve.”
Karen R. Koenig, The Food & Feelings Workbook
“Examining disappointment with an open mind” is the phrase that jumps out at me in this quote. We’re often so busy trying to escape disappointment we don’t stop to think that it might have something to teach us.
Continue reading “Expert Insight: The Purpose of Disappointment”
You’re walking back from the shops one day when, out of the corner of your eye, you sense movement in a nearby alleyway.
As you approach, you realise it’s a little child, about 4 years old. As she turns her face towards you, you see that she’s crying. Her expression is a mix of anguish and fear. She’s alone, save for a small teddy which she’s clutching with both hands.
You bend down in front of her.
Then, you reach into your shopping bag and remove a tube of Pringles, a packet of 12 doughnuts, a family pack of chocolate bars and a large tub of ice-cream.
“Eat these until you feel sick”, you tell her.
Continue reading “Gentle Reminder: Be Sensitive to Yourself”
You’re about to send an email and you’re re-reading it for the tenth time to make absolutely sure there’s nothing in it that could be misconstrued and cause offence. Then you check it another ten times after you’ve sent it – just in case…
You bump into a friend in the street. As you walk away, you replay the conversation over and over in your head trying to work out if you said anything “wrong”. You’re still rerunning the conversation in your head as you lie in bed that night…
A work colleague seems a bit off with you. You instantly rack your brain to recall your most recent interactions with them. You spend the day desperately trying to work out what you did to upset them so you can apologise and make things right…
Continue reading “Why Do We Need To Let Other People Own Their Feelings?”
Feelings. Yuck. Murky things that make us feel really uncomfortable.
To people with overeating issues, feelings are about as welcome as a dog in a game of skittles.
Our natural inclination is to run from our emotions, to avoid them like the plague. They’re so ambiguous, unsettling and uncertain. And we don’t like uncertainty. We like to be in control and know what to expect.
Continue reading “Why Should We Make Friends with Our Feelings?”