Those of us with binge eating issues spend an awful lot of time in our heads – even someone like me who recovered years ago.
The combination of our inherent nature and our experiences means we’re inclined to rumination.
We’re also often disconnected from our bodies.
Abuse, trauma, body shaming – they all leave us afraid to inhabit our bodies. We struggle to find a sense of safety within. For respite, we detach and seek comfort in food.
“The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of room, not try to be or do anything whatever.” ― May Sarton
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
You’d be forgiven for thinking this was an abandoned blog, given the lack of activity in the past few months. I’m sorry I haven’t been around, I hope you’re doing OK.
There’s a very good reason for my absence.
A friend phones to ask you for a favour.
You’re already swamped and you don’t have the time or energy to help them out. Plus, this particular friend never seems to return any of the favours you do for them.
They wait expectantly for your answer.
A voice in your head is advising: “don’t agree to this. You have too much on already. Say no”.
Into the phone, you say with a smile:
“Yes, of course, I’ll do it – no problem”.
Why?
Continue reading “What’s the Price of People-pleasing?”
“The wants, needs, feelings, hours, hopes, and dreams of everyone around you bear equal weight to those of your own. Neither mine nor yours are greater. Ingrain that into your understanding”. ― Richelle E. Goodrich
How easy or difficult is it to “ingrain that into your understanding”?
For some it’ll be easy, it’ll already be part of your world view. “Of course my needs are as important as anyone else’s. Why wouldn’t they be?”, you think.
Some behave as though their needs are more important than anyone else’s.
For others, it’ll be tough to believe your wants, needs, feelings, time and aspirations are in any way important, let alone just as important as anyone else’s.
Intellectually, you might know that it must be true.
But you just don’t feel it.
Continue reading “Food for Thought: Our Needs Bear Equal Weight”
Be kind to yourself.
Love yourself.
Be yourself.
How often do we see stuff like this on social media? Perhaps we’ve heard words like these from a well-meaning friend. Maybe we’ve said them ourselves.
I know I have.
Yes, we should all be kind to ourselves, love ourselves and be ourselves.
It’s good advice.
It’s great advice.
But for many it’s just not that simple.
This post from 2018 explores why we often take responsibility for other people’s feelings, and the subsequent impact on us and our eating behaviour.
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You’re about to send an email and you’re re-reading it for the tenth time to make absolutely sure there’s nothing in it that could be misconstrued and cause offence. Then you check it another ten times after you’ve sent it – just in case…
You bump into a friend in the street. As you walk away, you replay the conversation over and over in your head trying to work out if you said anything “wrong”. You’re still rerunning the conversation in your head as you lie in bed that night…
A work colleague seems a bit off with you. You instantly rack your brain to recall your most recent interactions with them. You spend the day desperately trying to work out what you did to upset them so you can apologise and make things right…
Sound familiar?
Continue reading “Summer Rewind: Why Do We Feel Responsible for Other People’s Feelings?”
Julie de Rohan 