Expert Insight: The Purpose of Disappointment

“Although disappointment feels awful, it can provide you with a wealth of valuable information about yourself and your world. Its purpose is to keep you moving toward what’s beneficial and away from what’s going to come back and bite you. It’s meant to teach you how to make realistic, well-informed choices by recognizing the delicate balance between what you have power over and what you don’t. Examining disappointment with an open mind will help you distinguish between being foolhardy, childish or demanding, and courageous, generous and willing to take appropriate risks. In short, it’s there to help you get the good things you deserve.”

Karen R. Koenig, The Food & Feelings Workbook

“Examining disappointment with an open mind” is the phrase that jumps out at me in this quote. We’re often so busy trying to escape disappointment we don’t stop to think that it might have something to teach us.

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What Does Dieting Do To Us?

Uh-oh, it’s January.

The time of year when, even if you’ve been doing really well normalising your relationship with food, you can suddenly find yourself bingeing again.

Why? Because in January it’s impossible to escape the barrage of adverts for slimming clubs, weight-reduction schemes and meal replacement products. Social media is abuzz with the latest celebrity eating plans, while endless newspaper and magazine articles try to convince us of the new wonder diet “that really works”.

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Why Are We Rebellious?

It’s my experience that people with emotion-driven overeating issues don’t like being told what to do.

Maybe a work colleague asks “should you really be eating that?”
Maybe your partner is putting pressure on you to lose weight.
Maybe a “well-meaning” friend is always suggesting a new fad diet.
Maybe your parent says “don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

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Why Should We Make Friends with Our Feelings?

Feelings. Yuck. Murky things that make us feel really uncomfortable.

To people with overeating issues, feelings are about as welcome as a dog in a game of skittles.

Our natural inclination is to run from our emotions, to avoid them like the plague. They’re so ambiguous, unsettling and uncertain. And we don’t like uncertainty. We like to be in control and know what to expect.

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Why Is It Usual To Feel Conflicted?

“I just want to lose weight”.

If you’re Not Thin you probably hear yourself say that a lot. Sometimes it might feel like the extended dance mix is playing on a loop in your head with repeated choruses of “I hate myself, I’m so disgusting”.

With such conscious thoughts, it’s easy to believe that all you want is just to lose weight and if you could do that (ideally instantly) then everything would be OK.

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If It’s Not Food, What Do You Really Need?

If you’re reaching for food when you’re not hungry.
If you’re eating beyond the point that your body says it’s had enough.
If you’re standing alone in a dark kitchen bingeing for Britain.
It’s not food you really need.

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