You reach for food to soothe yourself, to comfort yourself, to make everything better just for a moment.
But what happens when that moment is over?
The discomfort kicks in.
You feel over-full. You feel sick. You hate yourself.
What was intended to be comforting has to turned into physical and emotional discomfort.
Why have I done this to myself yet again, you ask. Why?
Continue reading “Gentle Reminder: The Discomfort of Comfort”
Do you ever feel like a walking contradiction?
Does it feel as though you hold conflicting beliefs about yourself simultaneously?
It’s not unusual to have paradoxes within us. The tension they create is often what brings us to therapy.
Clients frequently share with me what they think about themselves – “I’m greedy”, “I’m lazy”, “no one likes me”, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m a failure”.
Sometimes when they’re in the middle of describing themselves negatively, they do something quite astonishing.
Continue reading “Gentle Reminder: You’re Not Who You Think You Are”
“In my work with women who experience despair and conflict in their relation to food, I have found that in the first hour they talk about eating. By the second or third hour they tell me they feel confused and do not know what to do with their lives. They have little sense of who they are or what they believe. They are lost, empty, restless, confused and dissatisfied. They are struggling with all the questions of identity their mothers also faced”.
Kim Chernin, “The Hungry Self”
In many ways, little has changed since Kim Chernin’s book was first published over 30 years ago.
In my work with clients with overeating issues today, I’d say the majority are struggling with questions of identity. They also feel lost, empty, restless, confused and dissatisfied. If food is an escape, it’s the discomfort of these feelings they’re often attempting to escape from.
It’s a beautiful, sunny day and you’re taking a stroll. A group of girls approaches. As they pass you, they burst into a fit of giggles.
“They’re laughing at me” is your immediate thought, as grey clouds descend in your mind.
You’re having a meal at your favourite restaurant. You look up mid-mouthful and catch the eye of a fellow diner who’s frowning.
The food instantly turns bitter in your mouth, preceded by the thought: “He thinks I shouldn’t be eating this because I’m fat”.
“You’ve got to know yourself so you can at last be yourself” – D.H. Lawrence
We know when we meet someone who’s at ease with themselves. They know who they are and they’re comfortable in their own skin. There’s no need for them to impress, play games or apologise for themselves.
If all we’ve ever experienced is disharmony within, we might envy them. “I wish I were like that”, we think. “Life must be so uncomplicated for them”.
The irony is that in order to be ourselves we often believe we need to be someone else entirely – someone better. Or, at the very least, we must “fix” what we believe is “wrong” about us.
“It’s hopeless”.
Just a thought.
“My eating will never be perfect”.
Just a thought.
“My body is ugly and worthless”.
Just a thought.
Julie de Rohan 