Food for Thought: Our Needs Bear Equal Weight

~ Julie de Rohan, eatonomy®

“The wants, needs, feelings, hours, hopes, and dreams of everyone around you bear equal weight to those of your own. Neither mine nor yours are greater. Ingrain that into your understanding”. ― Richelle E. Goodrich

How easy or difficult is it to “ingrain that into your understanding”?

For some it’ll be easy, it’ll already be part of your world view. “Of course my needs are as important as anyone else’s. Why wouldn’t they be?”, you think.

Some behave as though their needs are more important than anyone else’s.

For others, it’ll be tough to believe your wants, needs, feelings, time and aspirations are in any way important, let alone just as important as anyone else’s.

Intellectually, you might know that it must be true.

But you just don’t feel it.

And you need to feel it.

Otherwise, you spend a lifetime believing everyone else is more important than you and your wishes simply don’t count. Life can then feel unsatisfying, even meaningless, because your dreams are unfulfilled and your needs are unmet.

So, if you’re struggling to believe your needs and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s, ask yourself one question:

Why wouldn’t they be?

(By the way, “because they’re just not” isn’t an answer).

Prove to me your hopes, dreams, feelings and needs aren’t important.

Show me your evidence.

As Richelle E. Goodrich says, all our needs and feelings bear equal weight. We all have the right to acknowledge, understand and meet our needs.

Why would you be the exception?

Answer: you’re not.

I hope you can begin to ingrain that into your understanding and truly come to know that all our needs bear equal weight, including yours.

©️ Julie de Rohan 2020.

Published by Julie de Rohan, eatonomy®

A binge eating disorder specialist therapist helping people struggling with compulsive eating, emotional eating and binge eating.

14 thoughts on “Food for Thought: Our Needs Bear Equal Weight”

  1. Thanks, Julie! I’m embarrassed to say how old I was the first time I realized I always put others’ needs before my own. When I did think, wait … this would make her happy but me miserable, that can’t be right … I remember sitting dumbfounded in my chair, what a revelation. Of course I choose to put others first still sometimes, but it’s different when it’s intentional, same as when I put myself first now too 🙂

    I also saw how my own unfulfilled needs had still leaked out (okay, exploded out) in the past, often in unhelpful ways. Tending to them up front is a lot happier for everyone!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think if you’ve been taught from a young age to focus on other people’s needs and not your own, it gets reinforced so often you don’t know anything else. Not until, exactly as you describe, you realise there’s a cost to you.

      It’s so great to hear how life improves when you consider your own needs alongside everyone else’s. Thanks for sharing your experience, Karen, I hope it inspires anyone struggling with this.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re absolutely right there – and it often starts with a willingness to challenge our thoughts, doesn’t it? Many thanks for your comment, hope all is well with you.

      Like

  4. Wonderful post Julie and glad you’re back. I hope lockdown is treating you and yours kindly. We’re still in our own sustained quarantine but remaining COVID free. In my country, that’s huge!🙏

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Erin, it’s so great to hear from you, and I’m so pleased you’re all safe and well. We’re fine here, thanks – back in lockdown until at least December 2nd and just incredibly busy with work. All the best to you and yours.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Thank you for sharing!.. as I am a individual, I follow my heart, it knows what is best for me…. “Confidence is knowing who you are and not changing it a bit because of someone’s version of reality is not your reality.” (Shannon L. Alder).. 🙂

    Hope all is well in your part of the universe and until we meet again..

    May flowers always line your path
    and sunshine light your way,
    May songbirds serenade your
    every step along the way,
    May a rainbow run beside you
    in a sky that’s always blue,
    And may happiness fill your heart
    each day your whole life through.
    May the sun shine all day long
    Everything go right, nothing go wrong
    May those you love bring love back to you
    And may all the wishes you wish come true
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re right – the more we understand our needs, feelings and time are just as important as anyone else’s, the more we value ourselves. Thank you, Kathy, how is everything with you?

      Liked by 2 people

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