How Do You Prove to Yourself You Care?

~ Julie de Rohan, eatonomy®

Self-care – that old chestnut. Right now, it feels like we can’t move for people telling us we should care about ourselves.

It’s great in theory, but what about in practice?

Many of us yearn for healthy self-esteem. We think “if I lose weight that will make me feel better about myself” but, while it might make us feel better physically, it doesn’t increase how much we care about ourselves.

Let’s consider first what self-care isn’t. It isn’t pushing yourself to do far more exercise than your body wants. That’s self-punishment. It isn’t making yourself eat food you don’t really enjoy because it’s considered “right” by someone else. That’s self-denial. It isn’t focusing on your appearance at the expense of your emotional wellbeing. That’s self-neglect.

There’s also a common misconception that self-care is self-indulgent – like regular pampering sessions at a spa or weekly trips to the beauty salon. And sometimes it’s seen as simply self-discipline, such as practising yoga religiously or meditating every day without fail.

For me, self-care isn’t about being self-indulgent or self-disciplined.

It’s about the message we give ourselves.

We give ourselves a message every time we ignore our self-care: every time we don’t allow ourselves to rest when we need to; or don’t let ourselves have fun; or don’t give ourselves the food we really want. In each case the message is “I’m not worth caring about. I don’t matter. My needs are not important”.

On the other side of the coin, every time we show we do care, we send ourselves a powerful message: “I’m worth caring about. I matter. My needs are important”. The more we practise self-care, the more this message is reinforced. In that way, we prove to ourselves that we care.

Saying it isn’t enough: action is everything.

If you’re thinking “I don’t know where to start” – maybe that’s your starting point. Taking the time to explore what would make you feel cared about is, in itself, an act of self-care.

To help you, here are some suggestions. See if any resonate with you:

Give yourself your time first  
We give away so much of our time it can feel like there’s not enough for ourselves. When you’re feeling rushed, self-care is the first thing to go out the window and you’re likely to turn to food to compensate. Your time is a precious commodity, make sure you’re getting enough of it yourself – nobody deserves your time more than you.

Silence your inner bully
Wow, I just won’t let up about this, will I? That nasty voice in your head does nothing for you so tell it to Shut The F*** Up. No one can do this for you. If I could, I would. Each time you prove to yourself that you care – despite what your inner critic says – you take a step closer to defeating it.

Eat exactly what you want
Take the time to think about and prepare exactly what you want to eat. What would taste good, feel good and completely satisfy you? Beware of the part of you that says “I can’t be bothered” and has you reaching for something quick but unsatisfying. Be bothered.Take the time. Give yourself exactly what you want – you deserve it.

Use the “Good China”
The Good China represents anything that you only save for “guests” or “best” but rarely use just for you. Use the good olive oil, those special towels, that lovely candle you’ve been saving. When you do, you give yourself the message “I’m as important as anyone else”.

Embed a sense of gratitude into your life
If you have a tendency towards negativity or pessimism (hello me) it’s difficult to appreciate what’s good about your life or what’s going well for you. There’s no better way to redress the balance by regularly noticing what you’re grateful for.  Take the time to think about it, write it down or express it in any way you want. The difference this can make to your wellbeing is astonishing.

Self-care is fluid, not fixed. It changes and evolves according to our needs. It’s being attuned enough to ourselves to understand what we need and then caring enough to give it to ourselves. Otherwise, we use food as a replacement.

If your relationships with food and yourself feel dysfunctional and chaotic, then self-neglect isn’t working for you.  Maybe it’s time to try some self-care.

You’re allowed to care for yourself – as we all are – so give yourself permission.

Because you do matter, you do count and your needs are just as important as anyone else’s. That I know for sure. Do you?

Prove it.

©️ Julie de Rohan 2019.

Published by Julie de Rohan, eatonomy®

A binge eating disorder specialist therapist helping people struggling with compulsive eating, emotional eating and binge eating.

26 thoughts on “How Do You Prove to Yourself You Care?”

  3. I prove it by listening to what I really want and what really makes me happy, I fail most of the times but I keep trying 😊 you shared some very important points that can work as a guide to help us reach the level we deserve 😊👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Like everything else in life, self-care doesn’t have to be perfect – as long as we’re doing our best to look after ourselves. Music is a very important part of my self-care too – I’m not sure what I’d do without it! Thanks for your comment, Huguette, I appreciate you sharing your experience.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Julie, thanks so much for the shout-out and your very kind words. It was especially lovely to be included in such a wise and insightful post. I really like your take on ‘self care’, as it’s such a rounded approach, Lxx

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    1. You’re absolutely right – women are often taught to nurture others at the expense of our own needs which, as you say, isn’t healthy at all. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Ann, good to hear from you.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You are absolutely right, we need to do it, act upon it and put it into practice. It’s about the way we talk to ourselves and I really like that you picked up on the messages we have to and about ourselves because I think self-care and those messages are strongly intwined. Excellent post, loved it! Are you on Twitter, or Facebook? I’ll share this now as other people need to read it, you’ve done a brilliant job with this post (as usual!) 🙂
    Caz xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, as ever, for your support, Caz. I’m afraid I’m not on Twitter or Facebook (Facebook – for reasons best known to themselves – decided to disable my account). At the moment it’s just WordPress and Instagram. Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t have weight issues Julie but I love your posts! This is apparently one I missed lol. I struggled with remaining a non smoker so I can apply your posts to that. Logically I know smoking is bad for the body but it comforted me. The key has been to discover what I was comforting myself from lol. Smoking was a form of abuse also…..I was punishing me. Now, regardless of time and commitment pressures, I treat myself well first. Being kind to me before being that way to others. Glad I looked for any missing posts!😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Erin. There’s such a good parallel there with smoking and binge eating – as you identify, smoking was both a comfort and a punishment. That’s so often the way for people who binge eat. I’m so glad to hear you put yourself first and treat yourself with kindness. It is possible! Good to hear from you, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you for sharing!!.. 🙂 I usually follow my heart “It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” (Agnes Repplier ) 🙂

    “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” M. Scott Peck

    Liked by 1 person

  11. A great post!
    Self care is about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s partly about knowing when your resources are running low, and stepping back to replenish them rather than letting them all drain away.

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