“In my work with women who experience despair and conflict in their relation to food, I have found that in the first hour they talk about eating. By the second or third hour they tell me they feel confused and do not know what to do with their lives. They have little sense of who they are or what they believe. They are lost, empty, restless, confused and dissatisfied. They are struggling with all the questions of identity their mothers also faced”.
Kim Chernin, “The Hungry Self”
In many ways, little has changed since Kim Chernin’s book was first published over 30 years ago.
In my work with clients with overeating issues today, I’d say the majority are struggling with questions of identity. They also feel lost, empty, restless, confused and dissatisfied. If food is an escape, it’s the discomfort of these feelings they’re often attempting to escape from.
And yet so much has changed in the last 30 years. Perhaps most notably, we’ve experienced the birth and meteoric rise of social media and, along with it, an ever-increasing culturally-driven obsession with appearance.
Sharing platforms are bursting with people, especially young women, compensating for a lack of authentic self-worth by investing solely in their appearance. Their appearance becomes their identity.
While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying how we look, it’s worth remembering it’s only part of our identity. Identity also includes our personality, character, values and beliefs.
Obsessing about our appearance (something I’m definitely still guilty of at times) can distract us from our real issues, such as uncovering beliefs that limit our personal development and exploring our place in the world.
So rather than avoiding challenging feelings, what if we allow them to point us in the right direction? What if we use the information they provide to get to know ourselves? And I mean really get to know ourselves – not the person we wish we were or the one we think we ought to be.
Then perhaps, rather than feeling lost, empty, restless, confused and dissatisfied we may begin to find answers to our individual questions of identity and develop a peaceful relationship with food.
©️ Julie de Rohan 2019.
Chernin, K. (1994) “The Hungry Self: Women, Eating and Identity”. New York: HarperCollins.