Are You Committed to Your Destination?

I remember the day I wanted to give up.

I was at home.  It was a warm, bright morning and sunlight was streaming into the study.  I was heading towards the door but, as I passed my desk, something stopped me.

A simple thought.

“This is too hard”.

I’d worked so hard to understand my issues with food and myself but, despite my efforts, I couldn’t make enough sense of them to consistently affect my eating behaviour.  Although my bingeing had stopped, I was still eating when I knew I wasn’t hungry.  It felt like an impossible struggle with no way out.

I remember feeling overwhelmed with despair and hopelessness.  I remember the tears of frustration rolling down my face.  I remember the feel of the carpet as my knees hit the floor.

“I can’t do this anymore”, I thought.

I hoped, I wished, I waited but, ultimately, I didn’t believe it could work for me.

I’d come so far but couldn’t see a way through.  I’d had enough.  I was done.

After a while I heard a voice in my head say, “What’s your alternative – giving up?”

I didn’t want to give up but I just didn’t feel I was getting anywhere in resolving my issues once and for all.

Then I realised – I didn’t believe I could resolve my issues.

I didn’t believe I could eat exactly what I wanted – normalise my relationship with food – and reduce in size.  I know there are people who are happy being bigger but I wasn’t one of them.  I wasn’t comfortable carrying a lot of excess weight.  It got in the way of me living my life and I didn’t feel good.

Theoretically it made absolute sense to me:  when you eat what truly satisfies you, you naturally eat less and work with your metabolism so you gradually lose weight.

I believed other people could do it (because I believed other people were better than me so, of course, they could).  I hoped, I wished, I waited but, ultimately, I didn’t believe it could work for me.

I was on a journey but didn’t believe I would ever arrive at the destination.

If my recovery process was an American teen movie (go with me on this), I was the shy kid at the prom sitting on the sidelines, waiting anxiously to see if I’d be asked to dance.  Instead I needed to become the confident kid who realises they don’t need an invitation to hit the dancefloor and bust their own sweet moves (cue uplifting song, roll credits).

Sitting on the floor in my study that sunny morning I knew I had a choice – give up or commit to the destination.

Commitment doesn’t have to be some full-on, goal-setting, shouty act of machismo but something you hold gently in your mind to inform your intention.

Your intention then influences your behaviour.

Decide where you’re heading, commit to your process, buckle up and enjoy the ride.

If you’re committed to your destination, you’re more likely to stay with yourself when you’re eating, rather than switching to autopilot.

You’re more able to have useful conversations with yourself – “is this really what I feel like eating?”, “how much of that would I like?”, “have I had enough yet?” – so that you’re eating exactly what satisfies you.

You’re more likely to leave the last two biscuits in the packet or that final spoonful of macaroni cheese because you really don’t want to overeat.

You’re more able to avoid mindlessly grazing or turning to food to regulate your feelings.

Assured of your destination, you’re more likely to relax, work with yourself and reduce naturally to the size your body determines.

When you’re committed wholeheartedly to your destination, you’re motivated to identify your personal pitfalls and work to resolve them.  Rather than surrendering to negative thoughts that hold you back, it’s easier to fling them away from you like a frisbee because they don’t help you to get where you’re going.

So where are you going?  What’s your destination?  What does it look like?  What will it feel like when you’re there?

Decide where you’re heading, commit to your process, buckle up and enjoy the ride (you might as well).  Once you’ve decided, don’t let anything make you waver in your belief or allow you to detour from your path.

You may not know exactly how you’re going to get there or how long it’s going to take, but you know that, in the end, you’ll reach your destination.  That’s the one thing you know for sure – because you’ve already decided.

***

“Are You Committed to Your Destination?” is the focus for the next eatonomy group session on Saturday 30th March.  For more information, please see the Community page.

30 thoughts on “Are You Committed to Your Destination?

  1. Terrific post, Julie. I think we’ve all been there, in one form or another. When you think ‘I can’t do this’ but then realise that neither can you go on like this, so something has to change. Very inspirational, Lxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it applies to anything we really want in life, I think – if we really commit to getting there then half the battle is won – the rest is just filling in the details. Good to hear your thoughts, Lol, thanks for your comment.

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  2. Such interesting and important insights. “I was on a journey but didn’t believe I would ever arrive at the destination” – I think we often doubt ourselves, our ability to achieve something or conquer a problem, including where food and eating disorders are concerned. Self-sabotage comes to mind here, too. Sometimes we’re just not aware of it, as you weren’t until you hit that crucial realisation. This has made me think again about my own beliefs and perspective on it, so thank you for sharing, Julie.x

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    1. I think that if, like me, you’ve had an eating issue for a very long time it can be so hard to believe that anything will change. Likewise with reducing in size – if you’ve dieted, lost weight and then put it back on repeatedly, there can be a part of you saying “if you lose weight you’ll only ever regain it”. Years of mistrusting our appetites and instincts make it feel impossible that we could ever listen to our bodies and trust them to guide us. But it is possible! Although it was a difficult time, I’m glad I went through it otherwise I may never have had that realisation and found the commitment I was lacking. Thank you so much for reading, Caz, I really appreciate your thoughtful, and thought-provoking, comments.

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  3. What a wonderful post, Julie. Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Sometimes we have to encounter and tolerate uncomfortable emotions to get to where we are going, but I think if the final destination is more valuable to us in the long term, the difficulties are well worth it. This is what I keep telling myself as I take the bumpy ride that is my first year of teaching! It sounds like your recovery from binge eating was extremely challenging – how hard that must have but, but how wonderful that you can now share that first-hand experience with your readers and clients.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right – I think that often we can view challenges as something negative rather than what we need to experience in order to learn and move forward. I imagine teaching to be a very steep learning curve – there must be so much to get your head around! But it’s worth a bumpy ride to get where you really want to go and I wish you the very best of luck with it. Thank you for your comment, Lisa, and your kind words. I’m looking forward to reading more about your new career on your blog.

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    1. I think many people whose behaviour doesn’t fit the criteria for an eating disorder still struggle with food in the way you describe. I’m so pleased you found this post useful, many thanks for your comment.

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  4. Well Yes I have been committed to My Destination. In my case I have been working towards, “Developing Healing Energy in My Hands” and I am so glad to say I have been successful. It is something that is, “Coming down the generations from my maternal Grandfather” Took a lot of Time Energy and Hard work. The reason I have not been active on other Blogs. Each of us different goals, so this was mine. Thank you for sharing your views on all about food and the different ways of eating. Many Blessings 🙂

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